The Snowsuit, The Key and The Car

When it snows, people become brainless. It is funny that such beautiful, delicate little morsels of chilly fluff can cause such inexcusable, baffling behaviour. It was on such a picturesque, gorgeous new snowfall day in February that I awoke to the sounds of wee Emerson babbling away in his crib. He always started out in a cheery mood sucking on his thumb and cuddling his Uh-Guy (tiger).  Every morning, when I would go to retrieve him, his little cherub face would turn up into a beautiful, edible smile, so happy to be cuddled and lifted out of his little rectangular wooden prison. He could have scaled over the side if he was that kind of child, but he wasn’t. THAT child wouldn’t be born for another 2.5 years.  I had to carefully plan out my mornings to ensure that I would have enough time to get him ready to go to his daycare, while also allotting enough time to stuff him in his snowsuit. He despised that snowsuit so much that he would screech and writhe to the point of hysteria as if he were being beaten. Usually, what would result is that I would of course win the battle, and he would be covered in saliva and snot, zipped up on the floor like a navy blue starfish and peering out at me with disdain from his little hood with ears on top.

This particular morning was no exception. The snow had fallen hard the evening before, so I had to leave even more time to get the morning routine complete and avoid having to deal with a demon baby.  Also, given that we were on a side street, the road was NEVER plowed. I pondered the thought of how our regular and questionable neighbours from the building complex in behind us would be able to push their ‘borrowed’ No Frills shopping carts down this now well-concealed roadway. I peered outside, and our little black Honda Civic was covered with about a foot of snow. I deliberated over this sad little snow covered lump, thinking of a game plan of how to uncover it in the most efficient way possible. It was a very basic model of Civic with not an OUNCE of modern electronic offerings – no automatic start, no automatic locks, BUT well-equipped with a top-notch cassette player and AM/FM radio. Given that I couldn’t leave the wee baby inside on his own, I came up with an awesome plan that would be sure to entertain him. We would simply play “peek-a-boo!” Mommy would let him stay warm inside the car, while I would slowly but surely remove the mounds of snow from it and eventually reveal myself. That way, he would be within view at all times. Feeling pleased with my quick-thinking and ingenuity, I sported my finest winter wear, ready for the task at hand. Some would probably have mistaken me for a hobo with my over-sized grey fleece Man jacket with big black buttons, Multi-coloured toque with massive pom pom on the top with braided stands coming down from the sides to allow you to tie it up under your chin, bright green mittens and bright red sweatpants. Truly a sight to see. I picked up my navy blue starfish, and we trudged out to the car. All of the neighbours had left for the day, so it was really peaceful on the street. Did I mention that he hated his car seat as well? After about 20 minutes of trying to push his pelvis down into the seat, I finally had him secured. From a distance it probably looked like I was furiously trying to pump someone’s chest to restart their heart.  I started up the car, and put some music on to make Emy happy and more comfortable as I set myself to task. Awww….so cute was my little Cherub, occasional demon baby. I then began my ridiculous performance as any parent would do -  popped up on different sides of the car to surprise him, tapped on the windows to make him giggle, all the while making goofy “must please the baby” sounds. He showed his delight with wee legs kicking happily and stiff snow-suited arms waving in approval. Who needed a man? I just proved myself a Super Woman, able to take on even the most burdensome of tasks. Ok. Time to go. I reached down on the passenger’s side to open the door and put the snow scraper inside. Up. Down. Up. Down went the door handle. No click. Huh? Oh! What was I thinking?! I went around to the driver’s side to get in. Up. Down. Up. Down. No click…OH NO!!!!!!! I felt a dizziness start to overcome me and a wicked adrenaline rush start to overtake me all at once. MY BABY BOY WAS LOCKED IN THE CAR WITH THE ENGINE RUNNING! I ran back to the house to call for some help. Oh gawd. I had locked the door behind me because it had a tendency to not close properly. I knocked on the neighbours’ doors, but they were all gone. I felt sicker and sicker as the moments ticked by…What the hell was I going to do?! I did a quick check on Emy and he was absolutely delighted to see mommy running around in circles. Wasn’t she just the funniest most hysterical mommy ever? This next part still makes no sense to me to this day…I thrust my hands into the pocket of my jacket as they were starting to get cold. My right hand quickly met a hard, metal object – What the?...A cell phone! Eric must have used the jacket and left his cell phone inside. I could NOT believe this. I never carried a cell phone in those days. I frantically dialed 911…”Hello this is 911. Fire, Ambulance or Police?” “HELLO THERE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHICH ONE. I HAVE LOCKED MY BABY IN THE CAR WITH THE ENGINE RUNNING!! PLEASE GET HERE IMMEDIATELY!” The woman on the other end of the line was really nice, and very calming but still had a sense of urgency about her. “Don’t worry mam, stay calm, we have dispatched help to you immediately”. I was absolutely beside myself. I needed someone calming at this point, so I called my good friend Wanda. “HI WANDA!! YOU WON”T BELIEVE THIS! I HAVE LOCKED EMERSON IN THE CAR! I AM SO FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW!!!” “Oh my god – are you ok?” Wanda was a naturally very Zen kinda girl who could always put me in a happier place with her even tones, and level-headed ways…but not on THIS particular morning. “OH I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!! I bellowed. It was one of those mornings that kept first responders and tow truck operators scrambling to keep up with everything. “WHAT A CHAOTIC MORNING THIS IS TURNING OUT TO BE!” I continued… ”AND HOLY SMOKES!!! SOMEONE IS IN TROUBLE REALLY CLOSE BY!!” I could hear the sounds of sirens whirring in the distance…it was all just a big mess in Toronto that morning. “THEY PROMISED TO SEND HELP RIGHT AWA………” I paused in mid-sentence, dumbstruck by the sight of the MASSIVE red fire truck, creeping and bumping precariously down our narrow road and heading in our direction. Sirens a blaring at full-force. “OH NO…Wanda? I gotta go…” I stood rather frozen in place, with my stupid pom pom toque now askew atop of my head. I was firmly gripping the snow scraper in hand with it poised in the air like a pathetic torch. I peered up sheepishly into the window of the truck as a few sets of eyes peered back down at me with curiosity. The big red fire truck door popped open, and out they came with their lovely little jackets with names displayed along their backsides. Had anyone been home, I’d have been the ENVY of the street. And what a collection they were! Jackpot! Good lord this was too good to be true! I cursed myself for having been in such a rush that I hadn’t even thought to put some lip gloss on. “You’ve locked your baby in the car?” “Huh? Baby? Oh yah! YES! He is there. In the car!” I blathered. I motioned to Emy, who continued to coo and chuckle with delight inside the car. I feared that he had lost half of his body weight by this point giving all of the aerobics he had been doing in his massive fleece outfit. Then the verbal diarrhea set in and I couldn’t stop. I was so damn nervous and grinning so hard my lips were sticking to my teeth. They studied the situation with the car for about 30 seconds and proceeded to slide a long skinny thing with a hook at the bottom down the side of the driver’s seat window. After quite a few attempts, they began to consider other alternatives. “You know?” I offered, turning on as much charm as I could muster, and wanting to be of SOME sort of assistance, “You should try that thing on the passenger’s side. It seemed to work like magic the last time on that side.” “oh REALLY?” said one of the fire gods. “YES!...uh yes.” I responded, deflated at how I had just reinforced how dense I truly was. It took all of 10 seconds and up popped the lock. CLICK! I was over-the-moon that this ordeal was over but at the same time cursing myself for giving away the solution so quickly. Em was obviously ok, so there was no reason for them to hang around - and it wasn’t lunch time and I didn’t have any groceries on hand, so I couldn’t invite them in and whip up some culinary delights to show my extreme gratitude. Soon they were climbing their lovely selves back into the shiny red beast and teeter-tottering back down the road. I cuddled wee Emy and smothered him with kisses for being such a brave boy through that ordeal. My only regret was that he sat trapped in the Civic while this wondrous machine was parked neatly beside him, and he couldn’t even enjoy it like I could.

I mean…isn’t it every young boy’s dream to be so close to a fire truck? ;)